The most sexual food you can put in your mouth in Bristol

Let’s be honest, food is the best thing we can all put into our mouths. It’s satisfying, delicious and doesn’t leave a bad taste (unless you’re somehow doing a bushtucker trial or have accepted a horrible drunken dare from your mates). It’s normally expected and not a shock surprise (again, unless someone is feeding you whilst you are asleep – with food or not) and, above all, it makes us happy. Obviously Alcohol is a close second, but sometimes maybe not if you are on your tenth tequila or birthday dirty pint. Bristol is flippin’ brimming with sexual, edible treats everywhere you go, and I’ve made a little list for you to tick off. Any suggestions for me? Tweet me, spread the love! @NatalieBrereton

The Fried Chicken at Wings Diner 

Fuck me these boys have done well. Based in King’s Street Small Bar, the menu here perfectly compliments the craft beer on offer and is a haven for fried chicken fans. I’m going to even go out there and say so far, it is the best fried chicken you can enjoy in Bristol. The buttermilk recipe is crispy and delicious, whilst the chicken itself is moist and juicy once you break through the crunch. My tips? The two piece meal deal will ensure you get LOTS of chicken (portions are generous),  and a real taste for the bird. Cover the chicken in their Korean sauce and smother the fries in the chicken gravy. The rice bowls are good for if you are trying to convince yourself you are healthy, and the burger is also a great option. Most of the meal deals come in at a tenner as well so it’s a bargain as well (more money for booze left over innit?).

The Pig Board at Pigsty 

Putting a sausage in your mouth never made you feel so good, and Pigsty know how to create the perfect sexy saus. Truthfully, there are so many porky treats here that I couldn’t just choose one; which is why The Pig Board is an actual eaters dream.  A plank filled with & *those* scotch eggs, ham croquettes, sausages, pulled pork, pork belly and crackling, with sweet potato and normal fries AND slaw. PHEW. If you can finish it on your own, fair play.

The Onion Bhaji Scotch Egg from Gopal’s Curry Shack 

This sexy little number comes out on special occasions from the lovely ladies at Gopals. YES, IT’S A FREAKIN’ SCOTCH EGG WRAPPED IN INDIAN INSPIRED CRUNCHY GOODNESS. Snacks don’t come more salivating than this, especially with that gooey ooze coming from the middle. (This is literally my dream blog post, innuendos galore). [Photo taken from Gopal’s instagram].

The Chilli Beef Fries from 3 Brothers Burgers 

Slow cooked beef brisket. On potato. With cheese. Need I say more?

The Halloumi Souvlaki from The Athenian 

Thick, white and creamy. No, it’s not that. I’m talking about the Halloumi those guys at The Athenian are serving in their souvlaki’s. Made from a tradition Greek recipe, this cheese is seriously delicious, especially wrapped up with fresh salad, sauce and chips. Obviously you can add meat too if you so wish, but these golden spheres of cheese are more than big enough to satisfy. (50 shades of WHO?!)

The Meat Toastie from 25a Old Market 

We have an abundance of fantastic toasties in Bristol, and for this we are very lucky. However, one of my all time favourites is the meat option from 25a Old Market. This dreamy (owner Chris would kill me for describing it like that) coffee shop is laid back, relaxed and so welcoming. Kendrick Lamars voice spits out over the speakers and whilst you can shop from a selection of local Bristol food and drink goodies here, you want this meat toastie. Thick, doorstep sized sourdough filled with pepperoni, lots of oozing mozzarella and caramelised onions. It’s a BIG TING.

The Pipe Dream from Pipe & Slippers

Alright it’s a drink….SO?! It’s only one of THE best Bristol bevvies you’ll ever encounter. You’ll drink three, wake up next to someone you don’t know and wonder how the hell you even got there. 4 shots of different rums in one glass will do that to you. [Photo taken from Pipe’s instagram].

The Korean Fried Chicken sharer from Wokyko Kauto 

I mean, you don’t technically have to share if you don’t want too, but you will want to go to Wokyko to enjoy it as soon as possible. A pile of Korean fried chicken served with sides of Kimchi and Gochujang and a portion of wraps for you to roll it all around in. It’s seriously, mouth wateringly, sexy.

The Dirty Dirty Fries from The Hobgoblin

Fries rule. They are the staple addition to any burger meal, perfect for dipping into sauces and we generally have a long standing love affair with them. So, imagine a portion so big it is enough to feed 4 people, covered in smoked pulled pork, BBQ sauce, 8 spices, melted blue cheese, cheddar cheese and coriander mayonnaise. Well, imagine no more, as dreams really do come true at The Hobgoblin.

The Mac n Cheese from Alp Mac

I mean, there’s Mac ‘n’ Cheese and then there’s ALP MAC ‘N’ CHEESE. These guys operate under the motto ‘you can never have too much cheese’, which already sets them in good stead. Frequenting various Bristol markets and food festivals, this is your creamy mac ‘n’ cheese with a delicious twist. Grilled mac ‘n’ cheese using four different cheeses in the mix, and the result is amazing. They often run different specials, which in the past have included lobster mac, and POUTINE MAC. However, one of my classic favourites has to be the ‘Alpine Pot’, which is a portion of creamy mac, topped with Ogleshield raclette, Somerset charcuterie salami, Marks Bread croutons and pickles. Man, I want to climb into a bath of that stuff.

The Poutine Fries from Burger Theory 

Did someone say poutine?! There are not many places within Bristol that we can enjoy this traditional Canadian dish, however, Burger Theory have stepped up to save the day. Treat YO’ SELF to a hefty portion of fries, topped with melted cheddar and mozzarella, thick gravy, spring onions and crispy garlic fried chicken. Because gravy on chicken, is just a match made in sexual food heaven.

The VaV’s from Wellbourne

There’s nowhere else in Bristol that you can get these bite-sized portions of love. This nostalgic treat from back in the day has been given a sexy makeover by the team at Wellbourne, and the results are addictive. Small, but perfectly formed pastries are filled with a selection of different ingredients, however my personal favourite is the creamy and powerful mushroom duxelles. It’s the Val-au-Vent of dreams. I could sit at the bar and chow down on way too many of these if I was allowed, and wash it down with their fantastic wine selection.

The St Werburger from Squeezed 

If the St. Werburger was a person, it would be Dwayne Johnson. Say no more.

The Gyoza from Eatchu

Thick and juicy, (winking face), the Gyoza from the guys at Eatchu is the sexual food experience that everyone needs in their life. Perfect portions of handmade dumplings that explode with flavour, these Gyoza are incredibly delicious. Choose from chicken and nori butter, mushroom and leek, free range pork and chive or spinach and tofu. Spice it up with an array of toppings, sauces and sides and let the mouth fireworks commence.

The Jamon Croquetas from Pata Negra 

Don’t be put off by short and stumpy, because these fried food rolls are nothing short of pure perfection. The jamon croquetas in Pata Negra are filled with flavour, and once you bite through the crispy outside your mouth is filled with the smoothness of Spanish ham. These bad boys are seriously good, that two is never enough. [Photo taken from Pata Negra’s Instagram].

The Carbonara from Pasta Loco

Lets be honest, pretty much anything the team do at Pasta Loco is pretty sexual. Even the front of house team ooze charisma. When it comes to their carbonara, they have gone a step further and added their own twist on this classic Italian dish. Topped with pork belly and a pancetta wrapped egg, it certainly beats the one you make at home on a Friday night. Watch the egg yolk ooze and drip onto the freshly made pasta and enjoy one of the best dishes there is in Bristol.

The Cheeseburger Scotch Egg from South Street Kitchen 

Again, one you may need to keep your eyes out for on special occasions, but when street food slingers South St Kitchen pull this one out of the bag, it’s proper scenes. A hard boiled egg with a gooey centre encased in a hamburger beef and cheese casing. I know right, so genius it makes you want to cry?

The Chocolate Wedges from ChocoLoco

Just when you thought chocolate treats couldn’t get any better, ChocoLoco brings something seriously indulgent to the table. These large wedges come with a variety of fillings, such as Oreo, biscoff and Malteasers and are bound to please anybody with a sweet tooth. It’s also worth checking out the ‘sweary’ chocolate slabs that can be customised, perfect for something a little bit different. Or for sending the ‘You’re a dick’ one to your ex. [Photo taken from Chocolocotreats instagram].

The Garlic Kiev Fries from Oowee Diner 

If you grew up in the 90’s, you’ll know that a chicken kiev was a staple of your diet. Paired with some potato smileys and beans, it was the dinner of dreams. Well now, you can enjoy it from your favourite filthy burger slingers, Oowee. A mound of potatoes topped with fried chicken, garlic and cheese – the only way to enjoy them properly is with the waffle fries option as well. Down and dirty. 90’s kids rejoice.

The Portuguese Tart from Harts Bakery 

In all honesty, it’s pretty difficult to choose just one treat from Harts Bakery; everything they create is spot on. However, if I am not trying to get my hands on a truffle mac ‘n’ cheese pasty or a pan au chocolat, then it is all about their Portuguese custard tart. If you know, you know.

Any Grilled Cheese Sandwich from For Mice & Men 

Yes, sex is good and all but have you ever had a grilled cheese sandwich from For Mice & Men?! You’ll definitely be wanting to go to bed with it. Thick fresh slabs of Mark’s bread come filled with your choice of cheeses, meats, vegetables and homemade sauces. It is then grilled to get that crispy, crunch whilst the cheese inside melts into a delicious liquid gold. You could do what I do, and that is get every cheese from the board with an array of toppings and feel emotional after eating your sandwich because you know things are never going to be the same again.

The Chips from The Cauldron Restaurant

I fucking adore the Cauldron (insert shamless link to Why I love The Cauldron and believe it is one of the most exciting and innovative restaurants in Bristol). It’s one of my favourite restaurants in Bristol due to the innovative cooking here teamed with a cosy atmosphere and such wonderful staff. I’ve enjoyed burgers, brunch and their epic Sunday roasts (all of which I would highly recommend), and I couldn’t help but notice their chips. CHIPS. They do the BEST chips in the whole of Bristol. Crunchy, golden swords filled with light and fluffy potato. It’s food wizardry.

The Bone Marrow starter from The Ox 

Meat lovers in Bristol are sure to be aware of The Ox, as their reputation for decadent interiors, delicious steaks and a fine wine list precedes them. However there is a starter option from the menu that I would highly recommend indulging in before you dive head first into the cow, and that is the roast bone marrow with parmesan and caramelised onions on toast. If you like rich flavours, then this is definitely a treat. Don’t be put off by the fact it is bone marrow, for it is incredibly tasty, and slides straight out of the bone and onto your palate. [Photo taken from The Ox’s instagram].

The Duroc Ribs from Paco Tapas 

Paco Tapas is a dream. A sherry filled Spanish dream. Pete Sanchez and his team here have created a Spanish corner within Bristol, where the decor has been imported from the island and small family touches make the restaurant complete. The food is also of the finest quality ingredients, and no knowledge has been spared in the running of this restaurant. Take a seat at the stainless steel bar and take your pick from the delectable menu, but be sure to order the Duroc Ribs. Oh. My. Word. These ribs are the finest I have ever eaten; succulent, soft, fleshy pork just slides from the bone and you wish you could sit there forever sipping on PX and enjoying the Michelin-star food.

The Meatball Sub Special from Plumed Serpent Cantina 

I hope this was not a flash in the pan creation, because this meatball sub special honestly changed my life. The Plumed Serpent Cantina are a Mexican street food pop-up that have frequented Small Bar and most recently the Volunteer Tavern. They serve a range of delicious Mexican food to include their unforgettable sweetcorn fritters, pork carnitas and fish tacos. However, they also add different specials on the menu from time to time as well. The Mexican inspired meatball sub was one of them, and it was honestly incredible. A soft white roll filled with chipotle sauce, jalapenos, cheese, meatballs and a homemade spicy tomato sauce. Honestly, it’s the best footlong you’ll ever put in your mouth.

The El Rico from Asado 

Asado can do no wrong in my eyes. Consistently awesome, the ever changing specials, collaborations, cocktails and standard menu are always delivered deliciously. Lucien truly cares about where he’s buying his produce from and that it is the best it can be, and he isn’t afraid to experiment and keep things fresh. In saying that, there is a burger on his original menu which I’d highly recommend, and that’s the El Rico. This bad boy burger is made up of an oak grilled dry aged organic beef patty, vale of Camelot Stilton, free range streaky bacon, house made pickle sauce, shoe string onions and salad. It’s a beast! It’s also packed full of the best ingredients you’d want in a bap, and is messy to boot.

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